Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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