I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
