I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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