Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
