Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
