I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
