I faked an abortion last night.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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