I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
