just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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