my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
