in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
