I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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