we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
