All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
