I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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