Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
