i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
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