Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
