I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
