the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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