My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
