There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
