Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I want you more than these girls want KFC
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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