Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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