Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
