32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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