there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
