I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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