I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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