Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Randomize
