did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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