As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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