Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize
