yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Did you pee in the oven last night??
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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