We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
