my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
