There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
