how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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