if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
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