she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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