they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
