i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
