im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
