3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
