we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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