I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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