Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
my poor anus
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
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