Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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