He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
