also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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